The best funeral jokes

Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
Vote:
has 37.73 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !
Vote:
has 36.97 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: funeral, life, wedding
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Vote:
has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
Vote:
has 34.70 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Vote:
has 31.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: funeral, sport, wife
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
Vote:
has 29.51 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, funeral
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote:
has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, sport, wife
Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral? A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Vote:
has 24.77 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: funeral, racist
<<<45
More jokes →
Page 4 of 5.