The best hospital jokes

I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: hospital, memory, money
Chuck Norris was once hospitalised, becaused he kicked his own ass.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, hospital
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, geek, hospital
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop? A: Hopspital.
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?" Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus." Patient: "What happened?" Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Give me the bad news first." Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them." Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?" Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
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has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, hospital
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, marriage, money, wife
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, death, health, hospital
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
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has 49.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: baby, hospital, kids
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