The best hospital jokes

When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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has 68.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, hospital, nurse
In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!
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has 67.01 % from 967 votes. More jokes about: black people, hospital
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?" "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, hospital, time
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: hospital, medical, memory, old people, wife
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 62.00 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: god, hospital, lawyer, time
I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: hospital, memory, money
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