The best hospital jokes

A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital. The weather is terrible. It's raining cats and dogs. Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed. "Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!" A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree. He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid. But it's to late. The biker is already dead. He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see. The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!" He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this. He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket. One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off. The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news. It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."
Vote: has 46.02 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, hospital, school, time, travel
A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her nose and it hurt. She touched her stomach and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes. "Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!"
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, hospital
There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it. After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned. The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table. She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move. The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world. The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hospital, women
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better." One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hospital, nurse, old people
Yo mama is too black like she was born in a burning hospital.
Vote: has 39.62 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, black people, hospital, racist, Yo mama
"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
Vote: has 37.92 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hospital, kids
Yo mama so damn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly ass bitch".
Vote: has 34.13 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hospital, morbid, ugly, vulgar, Yo mama
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Vote: has 28.45 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, hospital
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hospital, kids
LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
Vote: has 12.49 % from 94 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, disgusting, hospital