The best hospital jokes

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
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has 44.82 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her nose and it hurt. She touched her stomach and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes. "Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!"
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: blonde, hospital
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
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has 41.83 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, hospital, kids
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better." One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
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has 40.24 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: hospital, nurse, old people
It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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has 38.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, funeral, hospital
"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: hospital, kids
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, hospital
Yo mama is too black like she was born in a burning hospital.
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has 19.02 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black people, hospital, racist, Yo mama
Yo mama so damn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly ass bitch".
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has 19.02 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: hospital, morbid, ugly, vulgar, Yo mama
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
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has 17.31 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: hospital, kids
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