The best husband jokes

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: church, death, husband, marriage
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, husband, marriage, wife
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife
There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It's called "Jackasspirin."
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, wife
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, husband, women
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can’t sell you that." "Why not" asked the customer? "Because that’s my husband."
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, marriage
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
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has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, women
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
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has 44.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
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