The best husband jokes

A wife returns late at night back home. "Where have you been?" asks her husband. "With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men." One day later the husband returns back home late. "Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"
Vote: has 43.46 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Vote: has 43.39 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, women
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, food, husband, wife
The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
Vote: has 42.47 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him." Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage
A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, husband
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, men, work
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
Vote: has 39.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage