The best husband jokes

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
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has 48.65 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife
There's a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It's called "Jackasspirin."
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, wife
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can’t sell you that." "Why not" asked the customer? "Because that’s my husband."
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, marriage
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: dentist, doctor, husband, women
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” “Fair enough. From now on I’ll make my own,” he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him after wards. “We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like,” he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, “Separate checks, please…”
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: business, food, husband, old people
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