Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
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Why do lions always eat raw meat?
"Because they don't know how to cook."
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
What’s a mouse’s favorite record?
Please cheese me!
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!
What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.
By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.
This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.”Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.”
“It’s quite OK,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and find out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.”
“Oh, that would be wonderful” replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.”
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls. I’d say you must be French”
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.
He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
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