Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit.
“Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down.
“But when will I meet her?”
“Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
Claws.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A Hot Cross bunny.