Why are cows made for dancing?
They re all born hoofers.
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Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude.
He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.
I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"
After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him?
Nothing.
I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
On the show Man v.s Wild, when they talk about the profesionals that Bear recieves help from, they are refering to Chuck Norris.
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A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone?
It was out of odor!
Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear.
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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