A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?" "Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A: A receding hare line.
Q: Why do cops arrest black people? A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.
A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked: "Now, bring on your cat!"
There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”