Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films?
He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
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Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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I applied for the position of a keeper at the zoo but turns out I was not koalafied.
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up.
The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!"
"I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater.
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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What do you call a neurotic octopus?
A crazy, mixed-up squid.