Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps. Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ''Mother, what's that black thing that you're carrying under your dress?'' ''Don't worry, Bill, it's just a squirrel,'' she said. So little Bill kept on playing, and soon his grandmother came along, also without underwear, and little Bill looked up and said, ''Grammie what is that hairy animal under your dress?'' ''Ah, it's a squirrel,'' she answered. So little Bill asked his grandmother, ''Why is it that your squirrel is grey intead of black?'' The grandmother replied, ''If your mother's squirrel had popped the nuts that this one has popped, it would be gray too.''
When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest. The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out. So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant throws his dick into the hole and the mouse climbs out. Moral of the story: if you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."