What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit? A honey bunny.
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong.
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.