I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
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I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
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Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident?
A: Some dick cut her off.
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An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was blow the plays.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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