I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics?
A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
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A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
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My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
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