I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
One step forward, 12 floors down.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."