I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote:
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Vote:
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
Vote:
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Vote:
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
Vote:
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.
He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Vote:
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds.
There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
Vote:
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
Vote:
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Vote: