I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
What rule could stop HIV in Africa? Sex after dinner only.
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!