I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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Today was a terrible day.
My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
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If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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