What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.
A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over. A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing. The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over. The brunette joins her. Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car. The blonde watches as the car drives away. The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers