What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.
W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.