Joke #1034

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.
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Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible? A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.
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What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
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If you think nobody care if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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They say about money that you can’t take it with you. I can’t even afford to go.
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You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
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A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts." The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp. The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, "Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts." The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink 'before the trouble starts.' After several rounds of this, the bartender says, "Look Sailor, you've been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this 'trouble' going to start?" The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. "The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don't have any money."
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He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
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A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. "Every blonde in the world will get two million." The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. "Now for your third wish." said the genie. "See that stick over there?", asked the brunette, "I want you to beat me half to death with it."
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A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
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