What should you call a bald teddy? Fred bear .
Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers? She heard he was a cowpuncher-
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
What happened to the lost cattle? Nobody's herd.
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
What's a moo hoo for grazing school? Grass class.
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
What's the best way to make a bull sweat? Put him in a tight jumper !
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.