What should you call a bald teddy? Fred bear .
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. "Get to work," the store-keeper urged. "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared. When this had been provided: "Now give me a quart of whiskey." Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly: "Now show me the cellar." An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted: "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!