What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear .
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Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp.
The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here.
Hm.
How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door.
Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem.
See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake.
Which rabbit stole from the rich to give to the poor?
Rabbit Hood.
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?
He was a card shark.
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
What do you call an affectionate rabbit?
A tender, loving hare.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup."
Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!