What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!