What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A: A shadow.
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.” Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?” He answers, “This is the dog that killed her!” So Tom asks, “can I borrow the dog for an hour?” He responds, “Get on line!”