What animals do you bring to bed?
Your calves.
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The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hi, honey."
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day.
“Are you hurt?” she asks.
She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it's kangaroo!
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