Joke #10063

What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.
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A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

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What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
Vote: has 69.25 % from 136 votes. Send joke:

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Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Vote: has 29.98 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, food
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water? A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

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So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it. So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!
Vote: has 19.47 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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