Joke #10063

What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.

Yo mamma so fat and scary, Godzilla watches "yo mamma" movies!

I hear you take milk baths. That's right. Why? I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.

There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'. Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?" The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"

Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."

What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.

If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.