How does a leopard change its spots? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!
Why was the lion-tamer fined? He parked on a yellow lion.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit. She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?" A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?" The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"