How does a leopard change its spots?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
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A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet.
How does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?
He was a card shark.
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him.
He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have.
She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.”
The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.”
She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.”
The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have.
A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments.
As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way.
Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind.
As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him.
“Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for?
Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain.
“I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bakin'.
We must admit that we want to be like some animals.
We all want to be strong like a bear, we want to have a sharp sight like a falcon, the intelligence like an owl, the endurance like a horse, we want to sing like a skylark, we want to be running like a fox and of course we all want to have the salivas like a dragon lizard.