What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater.
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What kind of whale flies?
Pilot whales.
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse.
He uses a lion.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train."
The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey.
They thought they would have some fun with him.
"Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers.
"You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?"
"Sure am," said the boy.
"If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
What kind of car does a rabbit drive?
A furrari.