What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater.
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One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Two hikers are out hiking.
All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"
The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it."
The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many crabs.
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.
What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A slow poke.
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?
A harenet.
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!