What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.
Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear? The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!