How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
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Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked.
"Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?"
"About two and a half feet."
"Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking:
Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one.
What did you do?
Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
A clotheshorse.
What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit?
A honey bunny.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?"
Patient: "I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money tabaccer!