Joke #10545

If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.

Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A: A rotisserie chicken.

You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."

What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers.

What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."

Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God! Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!