Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.
As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!
A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"
Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory? Alike did was stand around making faces.
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."