Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
What do cows do when they re introduced? They give each other a milk shake.
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery? A yeaster bunny.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
What do you get from a short-legged cow? Dragon milk.