Joke #10688

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, sport
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
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has 83.64 % from 445 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
What job do rabbits at hotels have? Bellhop.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.” Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?” He answers, “This is the dog that killed her!” So Tom asks, “can I borrow the dog for an hour?” He responds, “Get on line!”
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has 81.89 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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has 75.05 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, food, math
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy." The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad? A: Dady issues!
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life