What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino?
A Helephino!!
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''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer them.
A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog.
He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life.
The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl"
"But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says.
"Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother.
"But I'm not an American," the man says.
"What are you then?" asks the mother.
"I'm an Iranian," the man says.
The next day he sees the newspaper headlines:
Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.