What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed? You can smell the carrots on his breath.
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."