What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
What's an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo.
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat? He had to get a new goat.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.