What's the definition of a nervous breakdown? A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven.
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit? The first herd shot round the world.
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers.
Q: What do you call a naked deer? A: Buck naked!
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Why does the chicken is sad? Because his dad is a cock. Why does the chicken is even more sad? Because he faces the same future.