Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?
A. Wheeeee.
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What’s the difference between a black and a white bull?
The white bull does: “Mooo”.
The black bull does: “Hey man, Mooo, man!”
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
Q: Why did the duck go to Brooklyn?
A: To buy some quack.
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude.
He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.
I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"
After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him?
Nothing.
I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."