Joke #9956

If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.

Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!

Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

What's a rabbits favorite book? Hop on Pop.

What is a chameleon's motto? A change is as good as a rest.

What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball.