Joke #9956

If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
Vote: has 55.11 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, family
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, travel
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, work
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet.
Vote: has 25.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, music
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Vote: has 84.23 % from 420 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
Vote: has 78.12 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal