Joke #9956

If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat!
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron". The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away, and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked! He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood." The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
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has 84.62 % from 308 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, golf, women, work
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
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has 80.23 % from 3029 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal