Joke #9956

If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Yo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like a horse's ass flapping in the breeze.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw... brought both paws together... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, atheist, christian, god, life
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, time
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, sex, Yo mama
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you? Horse: Sure! Girl: What do you call it? Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Why was cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, kids, little Johnny, vulgar
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
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has 71.08 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: animal, stupid, Yo mama