What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew.
How do rabbits get to work? By rabbit transit.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
What happens when you mix a frog with a bathtub scrubby-mit? A rubbit!
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously. "Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly. "After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"