They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
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What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They re both brown, except the snowball.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A milk dud.
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.
He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please".
The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.