They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
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What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy.
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for £250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days.
A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already."
Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?"
Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't flog a dead horse!"
Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece and made a profit of £2495."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
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Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
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What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.