Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.
The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”. The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?" "Yes, we are. Why you ask?" The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?" "Yes I am!" says the mom with pride. The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?" "Damn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?" The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Q: What is height of De-hydration? A: A cow giving milk powder.
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers? She heard he was a cowpuncher-