Joke #1070

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
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has 20.20 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money

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A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar." "One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?" "Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars." "Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
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has 82.35 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, men, money, wife
Q: Why did hitter kill himself? A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
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has 35.04 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money, morbid
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts. Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him. Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: health, life, money
My grandfather came from a very poor family. The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am. I'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "The woman replied, "Don't be flattered ...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, drunk, money
Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, money, Yo mama
He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money, work
Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.
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has 35.91 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money