Joke #10719

What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal

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What’s the difference between a pigeon and a nigger? The pigeon is white and the nigger can’t fly!
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has 29.18 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
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has 81.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: animal, doctor, health, hospital, life
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter? He didn't have the hare fare.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, easter
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, dog, political
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, fitness, gym
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.28 % from 812 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, health