What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear? The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water? A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit. “Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down. “But when will I meet her?” “Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses? A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'