A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
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What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.
Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet.