A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
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What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
Claws.
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
Why are rabbits like calculators?
They both multiply a lot.
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for £250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days.
A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already."
Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?"
Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't flog a dead horse!"
Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece and made a profit of £2495."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."
Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Mooney.
What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud missle.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
