A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church. He got colt feet.
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Spot!
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.