Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face? A: It will kick off your ladder…
Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.” Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?” He answers, “This is the dog that killed her!” So Tom asks, “can I borrow the dog for an hour?” He responds, “Get on line!”
What do you call a show full of lions? The mane event.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
What do you call a poodle with no legs? A sponge.
Where do rabbits go after their wedding? On their bunnymoon.