Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face?
A: It will kick off your ladder…
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A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
Reptiles.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
Why couldn't the rabbit fly home for Easter?
He didn't have the hare fare.
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit?
A honey bunny.
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."