Joke #10871

W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Q: What do you call a 100 lack people in the ocean? A: An oil spill

Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car? A: 2 in the back 2 in the front and 6.23 million in the ashtray.

There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.

"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."

How do you blindfold an Asian? With dental floss!

How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.

Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...