W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere.
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Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son.
He's a martyr.
"Here's my second son.
He's a martyr too!"
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise."
So the old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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Woman delivers baby.
Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc.
Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?"
Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway?
He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.
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