W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere.
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At the doctors office:
Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…"
Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…"
Doc: "Do you eat fried food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it"
Doc: "Do you eat fat food?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc"
Doc: "Do you stay up late?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok"
Doc: "Do you have sex often?"
Man: "Yes!
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too"
Doc: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "Yes"
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will"
Doc: "Do you drink?"
Man: "Yes..."
Doc: "You must stop!"
Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?"
Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!"
I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
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Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Q: How do you get 15,000 followers?
A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.
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Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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Q: What was so bad about being a black Jew?
A: You had to sit in the back of the oven.
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Joke has 48.70 % from 319 votes. More jokes about: black humor, black people, jewish, morbid, racist