W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
A: Everywhere.
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Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
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Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.
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"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?"
Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
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