A school in the United States is on fire. One fireman is throwing the kids through the window, while the other one is standing on the ground and catching them. After half of an hour the upper fireman asks: Hey man, why aren't you catching black kids? Oh damn, I thought these were the burnt ones.
Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? An invalid.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
Why did the nigger cross the road? Who the fuck cares, why is he out of the cotton field?
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.