A school in the United States is on fire.
One fireman is throwing the kids through the window, while the other one is standing on the ground and catching them.
After half of an hour the upper fireman asks:
Hey man, why aren't you catching black kids?
Oh damn, I thought these were the burnt ones.
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Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality."
"Who told you that?"
"Gynecologist."
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What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack.
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Q: What do black people smoke?
A: Niggerettes.
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