Joke #11092

The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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has 29.23 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food, time

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Chuck Norris really can get chicken from a tuna can.
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While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
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has 85.68 % from 3823 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, food, husband, little Johnny
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.00 % from 897 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
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has 84.43 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, friendship, health, time
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
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has 84.17 % from 536 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 83.41 % from 913 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
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has 83.41 % from 596 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
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has 83.29 % from 772 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
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has 83.21 % from 453 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals. The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you." The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge. "You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says. The three men head out in search of their fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be. The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound." The man reluctantly agrees to try. He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten. The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand. Again the king states the challenge. The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound. This is going to be easy he thinks. He gets through the first 9 without a single sound. Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter. He is killed immediately. The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven. The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!" He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
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has 83.19 % from 241 votes. More jokes about: death, food, men, time