Joke #11092

The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food, time

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While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
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has 85.71 % from 3282 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, food, husband, little Johnny
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.26 % from 811 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 84.97 % from 745 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
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has 84.96 % from 419 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
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has 84.85 % from 575 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, fart, husband, time
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
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has 84.61 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris can pour a pancake so thin that it only has one side.
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has 84.61 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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has 84.57 % from 458 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
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has 84.49 % from 915 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
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has 84.37 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, friendship, health, time