If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
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Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Q: What's the worst part about sex?
A: When they wake up!
Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?"
The girl says, "A bus."
The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married."
As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?"
Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge."
Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a slut, and they all cried.
"Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!"
"Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married."
And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals."
Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge."
Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been screwed by every man in town!"
"Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
The wife is back on the warpath again.
I suggested that we make a little sex tape ...
she was up for it ...
until I suggested holding auditions.
I just don’t understand why she is so mad!
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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