My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
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What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product.
So I gave him a magnifying glass!
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch.
My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner!
My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50!
I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.!
"What do you mean," they asked me.
"I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
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What does a nigger do after sex?
25 years to life.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.
Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.
Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began.
After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour."
Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?"
Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.
The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?"
Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.
Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man."
Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.
Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?"
Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil."
So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fucking!"
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