My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
What’s the sex? The sex in a disease. You always get in bed because of it.
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.
What do you call men who use the pull out method? Fathers.
It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking. The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in." The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
Q: What's the difference between jelly and jam? A: I can't jelly my dick a baby's throat.