Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.
She asks him what it's for, and he responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one.
The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, "What do you have in it?"
The blonde says, "Soup and ice cream."
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.
He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him.
But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help.
She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead's house while the redhead's father was out.
The father had a pet parrot, which he did n
ot let anyone else touch.
But, when he left, the girls took him out.
The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings.
“Now you've done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde.
“Go buy him another one just like that, here's some money.”
The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50.
“Okay,” said the blonde, “but it's going to hard to find a parrot with only one wing.”
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break...
It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open.
A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right boob is hanging out."
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it "IS" hanging out.
When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Well, your boob is hanging out."
She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blond yelled at the doctor...
"A cute appendicitis!
I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"