Three blondes witness a crime so they go to the police station to identify the suspect.
The police chief shows them the first mug shot.
"That's not him," the first blonde states.
"This man only has one eye."
The chief is stunned.
"He only has one eye because it's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the second blonde.
"That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers.
He smacks his head.
"It's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the third blonde.
After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses."
"How do you know that?"
"Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”
A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
It was mealtime during a flight on Blonde Airlines.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot.
Having heard the crash a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened.
Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened.
So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says,
"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!"
"I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
A blonde keeps checking her mail box.
A neighbour notices her repeated trips to the kerb and asks if she’s waiting for a special delivery.
‘No,’ she replies.
‘But my computer keeps telling me I have mail.’
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp.
They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life.
I just want to go home." POOF!
The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life.
I wish I could go home too." POOF!
The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
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