Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar? A: He got Avogadro's number!
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.