Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.
It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
