Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A: One molar solution.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe