Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.