Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that."
Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."