Joke #11336

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
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Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
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Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
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Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
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Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
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