Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants.
So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea.
Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it.
She'll probably be thrilled!"
So the first fella did just that.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion?
How did it turn out?"
"She loved it.
She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?"
"It's over!"
"Over? Why, what happened?"
"We got married..."
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a
lovely bouquet of roses.
Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a
suspicious look when he handed her the flowers.
"I suppose," she said, "that now you expect
me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread."
"Why?" said the young man.
"Don't we have a vase?"
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"