Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.