Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"