Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
A photon is checking into a hotel and the bellhop asks him "Do you have any luggage?" The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? A: Classical conditioning.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid." "Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.