What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Old mathematicians never die - they just lose some of their functions.
The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven," answers little Johnny. "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?" "A jack," answers little Johnny.
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"