What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.
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A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint.
"Give me all your money", he says.
The muggee isindignant.
"You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent."
"In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
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Teacher: "Are you good at math?"
Pupil: "Yes and no."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Pupil: "Yes, I'm no good at math!"
I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.