Joke #11364

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt!
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How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
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One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
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An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
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Teacher: Your behaviour reminds me of square root of 2? Student: Why? Teacher: Because its’ completely irrational.
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I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.
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Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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