Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left. The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.