Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left. The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."