Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
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A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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Three statisticians are out hunting.
Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left.
The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right.
The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
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Infinity mathematicians came to bar.
First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter...
The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE