Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger.
Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Santa rides in a sleigh.
What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"