Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"
No.
The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"
No.
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
Santa rides in a sleigh.
What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up?
Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.