Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it.
He commands it to enter his mouth.
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Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!