Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup."
Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl?
A: Her-She Kisses.
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Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!
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Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why you crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back
Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him!
Dad: I didn't
Girl: Where did you go?
Dad: To get you icecream :D
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
Dad: So I could get it for free!