Joke #11485

What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes? A real Christmas Card!
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One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
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Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
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Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
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A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
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Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
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Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
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Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
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One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
Vote: has 73.99 % from 175 votes. Send joke:

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