Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.
Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common? A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
An Indian and an African walk into a bar... Just jokin'. It's just two liberal white women.
What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.