Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Sundials tell the time according to the position of Chuck Norris.
Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals? A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me. Look how time files!
Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common? A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
When Chuck Norris sets his watch, he sets time itself.
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency? A: At least two!