3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.